A line has been crossed

Wally Downes. Leroy Rosenior. Scott Fitzgerald. Is this really where we want to be?

These are the three that have provoked us to use the “staying up” tagline before now, as opposed to the – unexpected – “going up” Martin Allen sired, or the “finishing exactly midtable” cop-out we opted for this year while we tried to figure out who Myles Weston and Cleveland Taylor were, or whether Lewis Price was that good Derby keeper who had been unlucky (we were thinking of Stephen Bywater).

Hmm. We’ve seen enough now to tell us we aren’t pushing for promotion, and will be lucky to finish midtable. Andy Scott has placed himself in danger of getting – whether deserved or not – the Downes treatment (he should be very grateful for the nocturnal allegations emenating from Gloucestershire). This summer’s signings have by and large been poor. As the other correspondent on this website wrote very early in the season, we’re the only club in Europe with three fit goalkeepers and a goalkeeping crisis.

Foster is probably cheaper than John Halls, but his better work ethic doesn’t compensate for not being as good. Saunders is functional. Weston and Taylor are the two most expensive players Brentford have acquired in many many years, and are both utterly dreadful. Carl Cort has done very well and looks to be a good signing. Steve Kabba is on a two year contract and can’t get near the team. He could become a Brooker of a signing. Strevens has time to prove himself, although we have a very strong suspicion how he’ll fare at this level.

The issue of the two goalkeepers is well documented and what seemed a bizarre pair of signings at the time seems utterly insane now.

So, we fear the drop. And some real transfer activity is needed if we are to avoid it. Let’s start with a goalkeeper, a central midfielder and a striker.

Aaaaaaaaaargh! Brentford 2-3 Swindon

So where to begin. They’ll be a separate article for Andy Scott’s increasingly repetitive post match ramblings so lets start somewhere else, the flipside as it were to the tempo fixated one. What say you Danny Wilson:

“This was a tough place to come, I promise you, and when they play like they did in the second half, it looks an even better result for us“

Hmm… well that’s certainly diplomatic.

The truth is however that currently Griffin Park doesn’t look a particularly tough place to come to and that good second half performances count for little if the first half performance is such that the game is already lost.

But Beesy is getting ahead of itself. Far ahead of itself infact.

So to Griffin Park where we lay this scene. Brentford welcomed Ryan Dickson back into the starting line up along with a much improved Carl Cort. Nicky Bull started in goal, which means that Brentford are the only club with two fit goalkeepers but still have a keeping crisis and Scott persisted in the frankly ridiculous right side Wilson-Saunders policy.

Before going further lets start with a positive. This match marks so far the high point for Cort’s Brentford career. Both he and MacDonald looked like they have a chance of forming a partnership and whilst sometimes guilty not being near the goal its was heartening to see both win so much consistently in the air and show some nice touches.

It was Swindon who shaded the early exchanges and fairly dominated the opening half an hour. They looked sharp. were comfortable with passing the ball on the ground and were decisive, making nice diagonal runs and generally playing the style of football that I’m sure Andy Scott dreams of beating the tempo out on his special tactics bongos.

In fact they entirely overran the midfield, in particular the Celtic loanee Simon Ferry (the number 30) and bloody JP McGovern. It was McGovern’s ball into the area for Alex Revell to crash his shot past Nikki Bull after a break down in play after 8 minutes to open the scoring. Maybe Beesy’s being harsh but he should’ve done better with it.

This was just the beginning of the madcap defending for Brentford that saw Swindon squander at least one one on one chance, the defence ignoring the deep run from the midfield whislt appealing for offside against Hutchinson. Oh and there were corners for Swindon. Lots of corners for Swindon which were always played short and no one ever went to the man.

The inevitable inevitably happened after 21 minutes when a diagonal ball past Phillips was picked up by Hutchinson who had the simply task of avoiding Nikki Bull and his ample frame.

Hutchinson is another Celtic loanee and in fairness it was a good goal, albeit one where maybe a challenge should’ve been put in before the ball breached the defence and maybe the defence allowed themselves to drop back too far.

And then not much happened. Brentford if anything improved. It would be nice to say this is due in large parts to tactical changes, but Brentford didn’t do anything especially different. The team at present is currently just not working.

I mean lets take for example the right side. Saunders, I think its fair to say hasn’t exactly set Bees fans pulses racing. Its hard to tell at the moment whether he’s really cut out for the League of the Damned. It would be easier to tell if he had a proper right back behind him of course. James Wilson is a wonderful player but no right back. He’s probably the best centre back we currently have.

And frankly we have a lot.

But Right Back… no. With Phillips looking… well ok-ish and Bennett clearly shot of confidence it would make sense shifting Wilson back across. Foster is clearly out of favour with Scott and Karleigh Osborne… well no-one wants that. What Brentford need is a player who is competent at Right Back but has no bells and whistles.

Enter Kevin O’Connor who fans of the past 8 years or so will tell you has only ever looked half competent when played at Right Back despite playing in ever other position. Even Martin Allen spotted that. This would also mean we could partner a good loan signing with Marcus Bean. I don’t know like Jay Tabb.

O’Connor, despite being a good servant, is not and never will be a central midfielder. The organised teams in this division with progressive midfielders will always dominant a midfield with him in it.

There’s also question marks over Sam Wood and Ryan Dickson (surely a midfielder no?) but it must be remembered a lot of these players are having to prove themselves at this level.

Anyway rant over… the second half.

As suggested about 700 words previously Brentford did play better in the second half. Swindon, of course, didn’t have anything to play for as such but it was a more heartening performance. On another day Brentford may have got something from the game and would of if Sam Saunders curling effort hadn’t clattered off the inside of the post before bouncing to safety (we’ve mentally blocked out Charlie Mac’s ridiculous skied rebound from ten yards from Saunder’s post clattering shot).

Putting the ball on the ground did pay dividends and Brentford enjoyed the lions share of the ball hitting the post again shortly after with a header.

Lucas proved the busier keeper without making particularly searching saves. He will also be known as the keeper who Carl Cort opened his Bees account. Latching onto a direct ball and using his strength to find space at the edge of the area Cort proceeded to lash the ball in (if you were at the ground) or hit a trundler (as it looks on TV) in. In doing so ending Beesy’s great hobo challenge and meaning that my fellow correspondant will soon be enjoy a delicious Plough lunch in the near future.

I hope Steve Kabba is melted done for glue as a result.

This seemed only to angry-fy Swindon who promptly scored the goal of the game with Revell being given too much space was allowed to run on to a through ball cut in side and fairly smashed in a shot into the top corner past Bull.

And so the match ended. Well there was ten minutes left and time enough for Brentford to pull another back… Charlie Mac scoring a header whilst on he’s knees from a corner. Quite what he was doing it such a precarious position in the six yard box Beesy can’t say but seeing as the ball went directly to him it can only be summised he was praying that the ball wouldn’t hit the first defender.

Did Brentford strive to get back into it? Yes. Did they stand a chance… no.

Match Ratings:

Nikki Bull 4 – Being harsh he should’ve perhaps done better on the first but what the hell was he thinking kicking the ball at (not into) the crowd in the second half. He did get a torrent of abuse and Swindon certainly seem to know a lot about he’s parents sexual predilictions but this was clearly evidence that he lacks not only the ability but the temperament to be a professional footballer.

James Wilson 5 – Ok. He’s not a Right Back. It completely neuters our right side and comprimises our defence.

Mark Phillips 5 – Looking a bit one paced.

Alan Bennett 4 – Clearly struggling at the moment

Ryan Dickson 6 – Played solidly. Beesy isn’t sure he’s a Left back but a welcome return

Sam Saunders 5 – Having to go off wing to get the ball. Jury’s Out but decent second half performance

Marcus Bean 5 – Solid

Kevin O’Connor 4 – NOT a central midfielder

Sam Wood 5 – Unlucky header against the post. OK-ish

Charlie MacDonald 6 – Good link up with Cort. Promising.

Carl Cort 7 – Man of the Match comfortably. More please.

Sub:

Weston 3 – Didn’t very little although didn’t have a great deal of opportunity.

Stop worrying, we’ll finish 14th…

…and we were always going to.

We will lose two games on the bounce again. We may go a month without a win. We may win four on the bounce. We’ll still finish 14th. This is a transition team, not a promotion team.

It’s not a Leroy Rosenior team, it’s not a Terry Butcher team. It looks a little like a Martin Allen team in some of his darkest moments of grinding out results, but the quality of players is much lower (in all departments save that Charlie Mac is better than Isaiah Rankin and Marcus Bean trumps Hargreaves, Hutch and Newman).

So, 14th with a reasonable team is no disgrace, and it allows a chance to build something better next year. Let’s stop longing for the cathartic rush of heavy defeats and miserabilia.

84 minutes of Brentford v Southend report

**This report is dedicated to the f*cking moron colleague of mine who set off our office burglar alarm while I’m on call, resulting in my missing the end of the game. I assume it finished a draw. I don’t have a tv. Or the Internet.**

Well then, it turns out that having two six-out-of-ten goalkeepers is actually worse than having an eight-out-of-ten and a three-out-of-ten keeper. That’s a slightly unfair validation of Beesy’s distinct dissatisfaction with our goalkeeping options, since there is no way the whole ball crossed the line. Francis’ poor free kick was caught by Bull who stumbled slightly and stepped back, thrusting the ball forward. No Southend player appealed for a goal, yet goal was given by a linesman some ten yards west of the byline. We reserve our right to change our partisan minds completely when we see the replay on tv (which we don’t have) or the Internet (which we don’t have).

Perhaps the most disturbing aspect of the entire phantom goal episode was the fact that only Alan Bennett seemed particularly bothered by it. No Southend player appealed; no Brentford players bar Bennett berated the officials. Either the Respect campaign is religiously followed in TW8 or it was an awful decision most of our players were too spineless to contest.

The first half performance was, to be frank, dirge. Charlie Mac missed a couple of half chances but to sum up our performance in a sentence: “first ball misdirected header from Mark Phillips, second ball aimless hoof upfield from Phillips towards Miles Weston, header from massive Southend centre back, midfield mess won by Southend”.

The second half sparked into life after Sam Wood superbly riled Francis into springing up after feigning injury, and a woken crowd – who had earlier all but failed to cheer the announcement of the team – seemed to bring out the marginally better in the side.

Miles Weston drew a needless foul chasing a through ball and Kevin O’Connor pelted the penalty home.

At this point phone calls from irate neighbours and the Metropolitan Police obscured my following of the game – the draw – so here are the ratings instead:

Bull 5 – Wilson 7 (but for the love of all that is pure, play him at centre back) Phillips 5 Bennett 6 Foster 5 – Saunders 6 Bean 5 O’Connor 6 Wood 7 – MacDonald 5 Weston 5

No subs had been made at the time your correspondent left.

Southend defeat preview

Beesy has always hated Southend. With their non-league boys made good Essex fairytale, irritating as hell local DJ “stadium” announcer and beyond-irony ‘win a Ford Fiesta’ half time competition they stand for the sort of ambitious betterment of small clubs that is the antithesis of everything we believe in, making them as welcome at Griffin Park as a bowel movement on a rainy day.

They also have a settled team comprising proper strikers, pace, a little tactical nouse and some clever loan signings of skilful players from a higher level; in short the antithesis of everything we expect to see in a red and white shirt tomorrow.

For Brentford let’s assume we will persist with Sam Wood at left back – correctly picked by one GPG user as a non-league full back – and probably Leon Legge upfront. An assortment of ineffectual wingers will feature on the opposite of their preferred wing, while a pedestrian midfield will watch Southend bypass them with ease.

Ever get the feeling morale is low?

- Southend’s pier will continue to be the longest in the world until it burns down in March 2010.

- Fat-tongued c*nt Jamie Oliver is from Southend.

- Southend striker Lee Barnard invented the laser jet printer.

- There was another one but I’ve forgotten it.

Brentford 1 – 3 Bristol Rovers

We’re giving them a game before publishing our conclusions on this one.

Hit the North – Huddersfield Town Preview

the ground is the second road on the right, bring own hungry child

Right

Beesy has been to Huddersfield. Once.

It proved surprisingly hard to get to… climbing aboard a trundler in Sheffield, dodging the prams and chavs as you go through the Meadowhall Interchange, through a place called Penistone* and jump off before Leeds.

In an incident that in no way clouded Beesy’s judgement about Huddersfield the first thing we saw when venturing out of the quite nice station was a man urinating at the side of a big church.

Now this is a somewhat odd way to get a first impression and I’m pleased to say it was the last time I saw some dude’s wang on my snakelike voyage to the Galpharm. Still I did encounter several northern stereotypes including people in flat caps, drunk rugby league fans, several Greggs (the baker) and slightly against the run of things… a really cool record shop where I bought Captain Beefheart’s seminal Shiny Beast album.

Huddersfield then, to this correspondent at least, is the very epitome of the north with its dank concrete buildings matching the dank grey skies, miscellaneous meat pies and a constant banging of drums from a hostile football crowd.

Oh, and I was almost killed by the Brentford Team coach… but that is a different story.

Huddersfield Town, founded in 1908, had a remarkably good 1920s winning the FA Cup and the Division One Championship 3 times on the bounce.

Fast forwarding to the modern day… mainly because their history from the 20s is a little bit boring

Now owned by Mr Card Factory “t’own” (or whatever they call themselves) are amongst the favourites to go up this year and can probably, realistically, challenge Leeds and Charlton for automatic promotion. A fortune has been spent and at present they have two players who have each scored as many goals as Brentford have in their entirety this year. The trio of Simpson, Rhodes and Robinson are rumoured to cost several hundred of thousands of pounds.

This no doubt can be explained by the presence of Cort and Kabba as much discussed in the Hobo Challenge. With the anticipated return of Charlie MacDonald hopefully there will be more of a goal threat from Brentford but the month of September appears it may turn out to be a chastening month for the West London tyros.

Anyway bet your house on a Jordan Rhodes hat trick. Beesy genuinely fears the result tomorrow.

Huddersfield facts anyone??

• Huddersfield is a hotbed of acting talent. Patrick Stewart was born in nearby and James Mason hails from the area. Both of these are acted into a cocked hat however by Rene Artois himself Gordon Kaye. Ohhhhhh RENE!
• ‘Allo ‘Allo is the greatest British Sitcom ever written.
• League Egg Chasing was founded in Huddersfield and despite the Thrice Champions era the odd shape ball game is still probably the prefered sport of the town.
• Lee Clark is personally responsible for the current sale of Wispa Gold, having successfully persuaded Cadbury’s to sell the caramely chocolatey treat based solely on a petition of 468 names, all of which are “Lee Clark”.
• Huddersfield is in the Domesday book as Oderesfelt. There also was a Roman Fort around about the Roman period.
• The train station is quite nice

*If that name isn’t funny enough on a visit to Hillsborough Beesy once espied an advert for Penistone Erectors.

Charlton 2 – 0 Brentford: pretty much as expected

Remind Beesy to follow it’s convictions and start betting on scores… Oh, and shame on Charlton for ruining football’s premier boozy viewing platform.

A very difficult game to describe, with Charlton clearly superior to the West London tyros throughout, yet coming away from the game counting themselves lucky to get the win.

Brentford set out to contain Charlton and play on the break, a strategy quickly undermined by Sam Wood’s horrendous attempted back header to the communication void that is Lewis Price. The nod-down was intercepted by the infinitely-too-good-for-this-league Lloyd Sam, who teed up Deon Burton for the opener. Burton’s performance could not have served as a better reminder of what an intelligent target man can bring at this level, and his movement, anticipation and shrewd manipulation of the Bees defence was a masterclass his more illustrious opposite number could have noted.

Brentford toiled to get a foothold in the game, and those who watched on TV tell us we had a decent penalty shout, but Charlton ascended to a higher plane of passing and moving that slashed a chasm through the Brentford team creating a chance well-taken for Sam to make it two. Shelvey and Bailey are likely to be among the best midfielders we meet in many seasons, although that does little to excuse the level of performance turned in by O’Connor and particularly Hunt, who looked completely out of their depth throughout.

Charlton took their foot off the pedal in the second half with the result that Brentford created a few half chances – mainly squandered by the dire Cort – inbetween three absolute sitters pelted wide by Charlton. Cort did come closer than he has previously to scoring, but his performance was still a long way short of acceptable. Yet presentable chances missed by Cort and Weston, a fantastic save from a Cort header and David Hunt’s belting freekick onto the crossbar, allied to the first half penalty shout, meant Charlton could still count themselves somewhat fortunate.

Highlight of the game was the welcome return of Charlie Macdonald as a second half substitute, although his addition to the fray without a reserve comeback has to be taken as a tacit attacking mea culpa from Andy Scott, who left Steve Kabba kicking his heels on the bench.

So, points to note:

- Sam Saunders: for the love of god stop hitting corners at the first man;
- We need Bean back now, no excuses;
- What exactly are Cleveland Taylor and Miles Weston bringing to the party?
- New strikers please.

Price 6 – Foster 4 (Osborne 5) Phillips 5 Wilson 6 Wood 4 – Taylor 4 (Macdonald 5) Hunt 4 O’Connor 4 Saunders 5 – Cort 3 Weston 4

Brentford 1 – 1 Oldham: classic division three

If an experiment in financially inexplicable merchandising were conducted to bottle the smell of division three, the lunatic manufacturers could do worse than boil this match down.

An open first 15 minutes gave way to a dominant Brentford performance against unambitious opponents, only for a lack of attacking penetration and moments of defensive disorganisation to prevent a better result.

Both sides could have taken the lead inside the first five minutes only for the first half to degenerate into aerial attrition, marked only by Sam Wood’s obvious discomfort at left back in Ryan Dickson’s absence – doing no favours to Beesy’s confident assertion that the pair will swap positions this season. Auxilliary left winger Sam Saunders was the brightest spark, and it was his run across the box that drew an unnecessary foul, allowing The Grey Goose to open the scoring from the spot.

With James Wilson enjoyably showing himself to be far too good to suffer Pawel Abbot’s flat track bully routine it looked like a rick would be needed for Oldham to draw level. Cleveland Taylor dutifully provided, giving the ball away in his own box after Mark Phillips had failed to clear, although a superb lofted finish was still needed to capitalise.

Oldham’s gaggle of serial whingers can reflect on a job well done targetting the referee as the discipline-free Taylor perplexingly escaped so much as a booking despite kicking the ball at a linesman, shoving Sam Saunders in an altercation in front of the referee and kicking Sam Wood long after play had stopped – at the feet of the same linesman he’d already kicked the ball at.

Brentford threatened to get a winner with Wilson always menacing from corners, and Steve Kabba almost finished a slick move from the left, but with Oldham playing for the draw the game petered out instead.

Price 5 – Foster 6 Phillips 5 Wilson 7 Wood 5 – Taylor 5 O’Connor 5 Hunt 5 Saunders 6 – Weston 5 (Kabba 6) Cort 5

Canary dwarf: Norwich preview

Ah, Norwich. Having cast themselves succesfully as one of those clubs that would perpetually remain in Coca-Cola Purgatory, they gailly waltzed out the back door through the tried and trusted technique of two dire managerial appointments on the bounce.

Apparently their first game in the League of the Damned didn’t go entirely to plan, and they now find themselves in the midst of a fortnight of unemployed managers who wouldn’t lower themselves to managing anyone below the Championship hinting at an interest in the job, like a gaggle of increasingly desperate ageing dowagers secretly hoping the local squire will whisk them away to a life of leisure and privilege, while hedging their bets by flashing their garters at the down-on-his-luck local turkey farmer.

Saturday’s too-early-for-any-significant-conclusions-but-still-bloody-tedious yawn-off with Brighton has hopefully dampened the laughably unrealistic hopes of back-to-back promotions which had begun to fulminate. Improved performances from the midfield and strikers will be sought.

For Norwich Grant Holt seems set to assume Pawel Abbot’s mantle as our perpetual striking foe, and after their goal-each-off with Exeter at the weekend it seems hard to predict particulalry goal-laden fare tomorrow.

Anyway, here is your fact stat attack pack:

• Norwich have a squad of 33 professionals to choose from, none of whom are particularly good.
• The University of East Anglia has a Sainsbury’s on the campus. The number of recent graduates manning tills is currently unknown (to us).
• Craig Bellamy is their most famous ex-player. Just about.
• Norwich was home to the ‘New wave of Nu Nurridge” movement in the mid 90s, focussed on about five crap local indie bands getting gigs at the Waterfront which got written about in the NME.
• Norwich City’s website features an entire page devoted to their 1958-59 cup run, in which they got to the semi final and did not win any trophies.
• The Club is the focus of utterly mental lo-fi 1974 film “The boy who turned yellow”.
• Striker turned central defender Gary Doherty survives on a diet exclusively of rice cakes. In a 2006 interview Doherty estimated that he eats in the region of 1,400 rice cakes a day “the small ones, not the big ones, as I don’t like biting into the big ones when I can eat the small ones whole”. His favourite flavour is rumoured to be plain.
• There are six long articles about the Club’s history on Norwich’s website, and Beesy is damned if it’s going to read them.