Our hobo hell

To what we would love to think is their eternal shame, Messrs Cort and Kabba have performed so appallingly this season that Beesy’s first home game joke about buying a hobo lunch if neither of them scored for a month has come to pass.

We would love to say this comes as a surprise to us, but in truth we’ve been planning how to buy a hobo lunch since, er, the second home game of the season.

So while we hope against hope that the loan window sees the arrival of at least one striker – assuming Charlie Mac is fit enough to resume full-time – your dutiful correspondents are left with the task of finding a homeless person who doesn’t bite for whom to buy lunch; very difficult when we can’t remember when Southend away is.

Here are some ground rules:

• Lunch will not be bought anywhere we have to pay a cover.
• Lunch has to be bought away from where either of us live, work or occasionally travel, as we certainly don’t want a reputation as buyers of food for homeless types.
• Homeless person must not swear at/threaten to kill us prior to the purchase of lunch.
• Main only, by which we mean perhaps a sandwich and a bag of crisps.
• Centrepoint don’t like our bet. At all.
• Which is pretty fucking ungrateful if you ask me, they could just pocket the money and tell us they bought a hobo lunch. The whole point of using Centrepoint was so that we’re as far away as possible from the hobo.
• The hobo will get food, not cash, so no booze or heroin.
• Watch this space for the new expanded Cort, Kabba and Weston bet…

Charlton 2 – 0 Brentford: pretty much as expected

Remind Beesy to follow it’s convictions and start betting on scores… Oh, and shame on Charlton for ruining football’s premier boozy viewing platform.

A very difficult game to describe, with Charlton clearly superior to the West London tyros throughout, yet coming away from the game counting themselves lucky to get the win.

Brentford set out to contain Charlton and play on the break, a strategy quickly undermined by Sam Wood’s horrendous attempted back header to the communication void that is Lewis Price. The nod-down was intercepted by the infinitely-too-good-for-this-league Lloyd Sam, who teed up Deon Burton for the opener. Burton’s performance could not have served as a better reminder of what an intelligent target man can bring at this level, and his movement, anticipation and shrewd manipulation of the Bees defence was a masterclass his more illustrious opposite number could have noted.

Brentford toiled to get a foothold in the game, and those who watched on TV tell us we had a decent penalty shout, but Charlton ascended to a higher plane of passing and moving that slashed a chasm through the Brentford team creating a chance well-taken for Sam to make it two. Shelvey and Bailey are likely to be among the best midfielders we meet in many seasons, although that does little to excuse the level of performance turned in by O’Connor and particularly Hunt, who looked completely out of their depth throughout.

Charlton took their foot off the pedal in the second half with the result that Brentford created a few half chances – mainly squandered by the dire Cort – inbetween three absolute sitters pelted wide by Charlton. Cort did come closer than he has previously to scoring, but his performance was still a long way short of acceptable. Yet presentable chances missed by Cort and Weston, a fantastic save from a Cort header and David Hunt’s belting freekick onto the crossbar, allied to the first half penalty shout, meant Charlton could still count themselves somewhat fortunate.

Highlight of the game was the welcome return of Charlie Macdonald as a second half substitute, although his addition to the fray without a reserve comeback has to be taken as a tacit attacking mea culpa from Andy Scott, who left Steve Kabba kicking his heels on the bench.

So, points to note:

- Sam Saunders: for the love of god stop hitting corners at the first man;
- We need Bean back now, no excuses;
- What exactly are Cleveland Taylor and Miles Weston bringing to the party?
- New strikers please.

Price 6 – Foster 4 (Osborne 5) Phillips 5 Wilson 6 Wood 4 – Taylor 4 (Macdonald 5) Hunt 4 O’Connor 4 Saunders 5 – Cort 3 Weston 4

Hobo Wager Appeal – Find us a Hobo

In what is now appearing increasingly like a foolhardy wager the Hobo is still winning in the “Kabba/ Cort goalscoring lunch off” and is no doubt polishing up his proverbial eating spoon as you read this.

What’s this about… well going here and here will show you the story so far but with only Charlton standing in the hobo’s way Beesy now has to face the unpalatable prospect of having to go without lunch (or just buying our own).

And with this in mind Beesy now needs you to help.

Not knowing any actual homeless persons as such we are looking any nominations for what I have so far not called Hobo-Factor.

• Are you homeless?
• Do you have any family members/ friends living under a bridge*/ doorway of the body shop/ in a skip?
• Are your homeless friends and intimates interested in food?

Now if the answer to any of these is yes get in touch

Now obviously we want this lunch going to someone who will benefit from it, so y’know no crazy people, or smack addicts etc. Hobos with special skills… like playing the kazoo or tap dancing will be prioritised.

Beesy also reserves the right to pick our own hobo for lunch or alternatively lob a sandwich at someone as they sleep.

In conclusion… for the love of god (and lunch) please please start scoring Cort and Kabba.

Next update: What do Hobos eat?

*Not including Trolls who as we all know are meant to live under bridges

Wager watch

The hobo is currently winning.

A gentlemanly wager

Team Beesy has entered into what can only really be described as a two horse sweepstake on which striker scores first: this correspondent has Carl Cort; the other has Steve Kabba. A pub lunch rests on it. If neither scores after a month we buy a homeless person a lunch (not a pub lunch).