Southend defeat preview

Beesy has always hated Southend. With their non-league boys made good Essex fairytale, irritating as hell local DJ “stadium” announcer and beyond-irony ‘win a Ford Fiesta’ half time competition they stand for the sort of ambitious betterment of small clubs that is the antithesis of everything we believe in, making them as welcome at Griffin Park as a bowel movement on a rainy day.

They also have a settled team comprising proper strikers, pace, a little tactical nouse and some clever loan signings of skilful players from a higher level; in short the antithesis of everything we expect to see in a red and white shirt tomorrow.

For Brentford let’s assume we will persist with Sam Wood at left back – correctly picked by one GPG user as a non-league full back – and probably Leon Legge upfront. An assortment of ineffectual wingers will feature on the opposite of their preferred wing, while a pedestrian midfield will watch Southend bypass them with ease.

Ever get the feeling morale is low?

- Southend’s pier will continue to be the longest in the world until it burns down in March 2010.

- Fat-tongued c*nt Jamie Oliver is from Southend.

- Southend striker Lee Barnard invented the laser jet printer.

- There was another one but I’ve forgotten it.

Re our Bristol Rovers restraint

This is what we were going to write:

“As our preview intimates, some of Beesy didn’t bother with this one due to family commitments. They didn’t need to – the main points about the team at the moment are glaringly obvious, so here goes:

- We only just got promoted from a very mediocre Division Four, and even then only because of the loan signings of Jordan Rhodes and Billy Clarke. Anyone who thought we would be contenders for promotion is insane – the reason Peterborough and MK Dons were is they have vast amounts of cash to lavish on their squads.

- Our squad is not obviously stronger than that promotion year. Strevens may be the new Pele – we’ll find out in November – but the other signings don’t thus far seem much of an upgrade on their forebears.

- Kevin O’Connor may well be a loyal servant of the club (although by the same definition a man who is repeatedly turned down for new jobs is loyal) but he is not good enough to play central midfield in Division Three, seemingly lacking the mobility to impose himself on a game. It should not be forgotten he played the same role in possibly the worst Brentford team ever seen, and only a competence at right back saved him from being bombed out when Allen first joined.

- Against combative, well-organised teams neither is Hunt, mainly due to his lack of pace. We need a proper central midfielder in to partner Bean and fast.

- Don’t give us this Wilson at full back bollocks. Pair him with Bennett and have the guts to pick the strongest team.

- Saunders is alright but lacks pace and is lightweight, lord knows what we were thinking commiting transfer fees for Taylor and Weston on current evidence.

- Price is rubbish.”

We’ll stand by that.

David Hunt: an apology

Our report of the Brighton match may have been read by some readers to mean that David Hunt is not up to League One football. On today’s evidence we are happy to retract this craven slur (although he did struggle to keep up with their midfielders a bit).

Sadly this apology does not extend to Kevin O’Connor.

Bee today… gone tomorrow

Or what we found out when we google-d old players names.

Nostalgia is, in the main, nonsense. Music wasn’t better in sixties, you were younger, likewise your views on fashion, books, crime rates and the taste of vegetables will all be totally out of synch with reality in the same way your crazy Grandparents insistence that Count Bongo’s Big Band Orchestra is real music and that 63 doodads make a pound.

Now this is no doubt an odd way to begin an article subtitled “when we google-d old players names” and yes you would be right. But given that it was a slow day at work and I had free access to Google and Wikipedia the thought of what exactly is Eddie Hutchinson doing now, turned into how many players have moved on in Kevin O’Connor’s years at the club to what exactly is the prospect of player’s future careers, what can the current crop look forward to? These questions may be answered at a later date but for now lets pick an abitrary team at random (sort of) and lets hope none of them have been involved in low level Criminality and all are in the Premiership.

Or at least have done something funny.

Setting the scene the first season Beesy came into existence (2003-4) saw the early coverage of a Brighton visit to Griffin Park. Brentford went on to secure a thumping 4-0 win over the recently relegated Seagulls with then Beesy Custodian C missing two early goal thanks to Transport for London. The match itself represented something of the high water mark for then manager Wally Downes and by the time of the return leg Wally’s grasp on the position was to prove untenable and a new era under Martin Allen was due to begin.

So, the players…

Paul Smith – Smith has always baffled Beesy by how damn popular he is. Apparently we are wrong and the terms strange and baffling should not be used to describe his career. Currently bench warming at Nottingham Forest he first left the club to act as Anti Niemi’s understudy at Southampton. Left for Nottingham Forest Smith has faced Brentford several times in his career, often conceding goals.

Joel Kitimarike – Journeyman Right Back or drug related criminal?? The British Criminal Justice system decided in Nov. 2008 when it convicted the former Chelsea, Brentford, Dundee, Colombus Crew (in the MLS), Fisher Athletic and Weymouth “player” to 20 months in the jail for possession of Class A drugs. Presumably now turning out for HMP Slade.

Michael Dobson – Ever dreamed of a former professional footballer getting you into shape… well here’s your chance. Dobbo was exiled North after leaving Brentford joining Walsall, presumably because he enjoyed playing underneath a Motorway. After a reasonably successful time in which he helped them secure promotion back to League One he through a curveball, jacked it all in and started his own business.

Now I like Dobbo so here’s a plug… www.flexercise.com he also offers Premier Massage at competitive rates.

Ibu Sonko – Reading then Stoke. Possibly the only ex Bee in the Premier League if Stephen Hunt doesn’t move to Hull (which lets face it probably isn’t the best career move).

Matt Somner – Astonishingly still a footballer carving out a niche for himself in the midlands with Mansfield. I think watched him on Setanta last year. He wasn’t very good.

Stephen Hunt – Presuming he doesn’t join Hull Stephen Hunt’s star is still in the ascendancy. But then you know that already. The first thing Hunt did upon finding himself surplus to requirements in Allen-era Brentford was grow a frankly ridiculous mane of hair. Rumoured to be the source of his new found footballing talent he is guaranteed to be the most successful former Bee of his era until he succumbs to scissors (or joins Hull).

Jay Tabb – Oh, you know he’s at Reading.

Eddie Hutchinson – Now at Crawley Town, Eddie took his multi-faceted head and joined Oxford in 2006. Staying there long after manager Darren Pattinson got fed up of him, his “sticktoitness” (it’s a word) earn’t him a recall when John Smith took over. I saw him on Setanta, he was alright. In hindsight maybe he should have gone to Barnsley when they came in for him in his final year at Brentford. But still who can forget his elaborate cross pitch run against Colchester the year of the Great Escape or his shinning it in past Paul Smith in the Southampton Cup Replay

Ben May – Hang on… What? Ben May was fined for stealing bathroom fittings from B & Q with Glenn Johnson?

I know that sounds unlikely, what with Glenn Johnson being a millionaire and all but its on the BBC website so it must be true.

Anyway still goal shy but now at Scunthorpe. Hopefully has enough taps now.

Kevin O’Connor – The Grey Goose himself. The only one still at Brentford; which says a lot. I will of course let you decide exactly what it says. Interesting to note looking at the players in the team I’m guessing this was The Grey Goose playing up front.

Tony Rougier – Still Plays!! Astonishingly enough. Bristol City took on Rougier after Martin Allens arrival before my personal favourite USA team the Rochester Rhinos signed him up. But the A-League proved unappreciative of Rougier and his madcap wingplay and he moved back to Trinidad laterly with FC South End.

The Rochester Rhinos mascot is a man dressed up as a big old Rhino. It looks superb.

Subs

Josh Lennie – What do you do after you play for AFC Harrow? Why you become a Sales and Marketing Executive. Lets face it our club is shocking for bringing on young keepers. Josh joined AFC Wimbledon after his spell at Brentford before a string of local clubs.

Stephen Evans – Suffering from a heart condition while at Brentford former Beesy favourite Evans dropped down to the conference with Woking and later Crawley Town.

More surprising he then joing the Premier League… the League of Wales Premier League. Still its nice to know he’s still playing/ living.

Jay Smith – Was/ maybe even is at Havent and Waterlooville. I kind of vaguely remember him starting a fitness company with Lloyd Blackman (remember him?) but I may be getting mixed up with another shambolic player from the early Beesy days, maybe Dean Wells.

Andy Frampton – Fampton came alive after leaving Brentford cementing a place in the Millwall first team.

Competent rather than inspiring Frampton best game was the frankly bizarre match at Rotherham where literally everything went through him. Which may explain why/ how we bottled promotion during Allen’s final season.

Mark Peters – QPR leveller aside Peters proved to be an enigma at Griffin Park. Having completely gone off the radar since turning out for Gosport Town it appears he may have fallen into the abyss never to be seen again.

So what have we learnt? Well frankly not too much. That the conversion to young player to seasoned professional player isn’t high? Maybe. That the third division is no place to learn your trade as a young footballer? Probably. Or that maybe playing for Brentford is a tortuous way to further your career? Undoubtedly.