Our hobo hell

To what we would love to think is their eternal shame, Messrs Cort and Kabba have performed so appallingly this season that Beesy’s first home game joke about buying a hobo lunch if neither of them scored for a month has come to pass.

We would love to say this comes as a surprise to us, but in truth we’ve been planning how to buy a hobo lunch since, er, the second home game of the season.

So while we hope against hope that the loan window sees the arrival of at least one striker – assuming Charlie Mac is fit enough to resume full-time – your dutiful correspondents are left with the task of finding a homeless person who doesn’t bite for whom to buy lunch; very difficult when we can’t remember when Southend away is.

Here are some ground rules:

• Lunch will not be bought anywhere we have to pay a cover.
• Lunch has to be bought away from where either of us live, work or occasionally travel, as we certainly don’t want a reputation as buyers of food for homeless types.
• Homeless person must not swear at/threaten to kill us prior to the purchase of lunch.
• Main only, by which we mean perhaps a sandwich and a bag of crisps.
• Centrepoint don’t like our bet. At all.
• Which is pretty fucking ungrateful if you ask me, they could just pocket the money and tell us they bought a hobo lunch. The whole point of using Centrepoint was so that we’re as far away as possible from the hobo.
• The hobo will get food, not cash, so no booze or heroin.
• Watch this space for the new expanded Cort, Kabba and Weston bet…

Hobo Wager Appeal – Find us a Hobo

In what is now appearing increasingly like a foolhardy wager the Hobo is still winning in the “Kabba/ Cort goalscoring lunch off” and is no doubt polishing up his proverbial eating spoon as you read this.

What’s this about… well going here and here will show you the story so far but with only Charlton standing in the hobo’s way Beesy now has to face the unpalatable prospect of having to go without lunch (or just buying our own).

And with this in mind Beesy now needs you to help.

Not knowing any actual homeless persons as such we are looking any nominations for what I have so far not called Hobo-Factor.

• Are you homeless?
• Do you have any family members/ friends living under a bridge*/ doorway of the body shop/ in a skip?
• Are your homeless friends and intimates interested in food?

Now if the answer to any of these is yes get in touch

Now obviously we want this lunch going to someone who will benefit from it, so y’know no crazy people, or smack addicts etc. Hobos with special skills… like playing the kazoo or tap dancing will be prioritised.

Beesy also reserves the right to pick our own hobo for lunch or alternatively lob a sandwich at someone as they sleep.

In conclusion… for the love of god (and lunch) please please start scoring Cort and Kabba.

Next update: What do Hobos eat?

*Not including Trolls who as we all know are meant to live under bridges