On feeling like a fraud

Ah Wembley, and the magical appearance of the 25,000 Brentford fans last seen when casting around for a business plan to build Lionel Road.

As a website with it’s fair share of away trips to the Hartlepools, Yeovils and Rotherhams of this world, a website that kept going as attendances plummeted as the ends of Downes, Rosenior, Fitzgerald and Butcher loomed, and a website that has been frozen solid watching defeats at Peterborough more times than it cares to mention, it’s odd to feel like a complete fraud approaching our most exciting game since Swansea at home… er… six years ago?

Like, we suspect, many of the 25,000 some of Beesy have fallen out of regular attendance this season – in the writer’s case the tail-end Andy Scott dross, family commitments and newly extended travel times have seen to that. So this writer heads to what may well be an exciting game at the new Wembley feeling very slightly like a fraud.

There are two options here: either ignore it and resume the usual Ealing drinking expedition, or embrace it and rock up in a Barbour jacket with a picnic hamper, rattle and a copy of the Sunday Times. Perhaps the time has come to point at the pitch and ask which one is Owusu.

Make it Beesy’s Big Johnstone’s Paint Trophy “Special” (MIBBJPT”S”)

Hello.

You may remember this website from such seasons as the turbulent 2003/04 season (the demise of Downes) and the exciting but disappointing years 2004-06.

Now there has been false dawns since then. Scroll down and you will most likely the remnants of one. However and strictly for a one week only thing Beesy is back.

Why? Well, Beesy LOVES the Painted Vans Trophy. It was always our favourite tournament (in the absence of the Anglo-Italian cup) mainly thanks to its excellent name and ever changing structure (South Eastern group stage? Really?). It is a somewhat bitter irony that the one year Brentford have done well in it is the year we’ve showed general indifference.

That said we were one (two) few to be bored rigid at Stevenage. Stevenage is a terrible terrible place.

Anyway here’s a list of things we’ve been doing instead of writing about Brentford:

1. Manly things like hunting and drinking and shit.
2. Coming second on the pro-celebrity hotrod circuit. We’ll beat you next year Chico
3. Living in the midlands (if you can call living in the midlands living)
4. Designing a new style hat
5. Learning to cry.

A line has been crossed

Wally Downes. Leroy Rosenior. Scott Fitzgerald. Is this really where we want to be?

These are the three that have provoked us to use the “staying up” tagline before now, as opposed to the – unexpected – “going up” Martin Allen sired, or the “finishing exactly midtable” cop-out we opted for this year while we tried to figure out who Myles Weston and Cleveland Taylor were, or whether Lewis Price was that good Derby keeper who had been unlucky (we were thinking of Stephen Bywater).

Hmm. We’ve seen enough now to tell us we aren’t pushing for promotion, and will be lucky to finish midtable. Andy Scott has placed himself in danger of getting – whether deserved or not – the Downes treatment (he should be very grateful for the nocturnal allegations emenating from Gloucestershire). This summer’s signings have by and large been poor. As the other correspondent on this website wrote very early in the season, we’re the only club in Europe with three fit goalkeepers and a goalkeeping crisis.

Foster is probably cheaper than John Halls, but his better work ethic doesn’t compensate for not being as good. Saunders is functional. Weston and Taylor are the two most expensive players Brentford have acquired in many many years, and are both utterly dreadful. Carl Cort has done very well and looks to be a good signing. Steve Kabba is on a two year contract and can’t get near the team. He could become a Brooker of a signing. Strevens has time to prove himself, although we have a very strong suspicion how he’ll fare at this level.

The issue of the two goalkeepers is well documented and what seemed a bizarre pair of signings at the time seems utterly insane now.

So, we fear the drop. And some real transfer activity is needed if we are to avoid it. Let’s start with a goalkeeper, a central midfielder and a striker.

Bee today… gone tomorrow

Or what we found out when we google-d old players names.

Nostalgia is, in the main, nonsense. Music wasn’t better in sixties, you were younger, likewise your views on fashion, books, crime rates and the taste of vegetables will all be totally out of synch with reality in the same way your crazy Grandparents insistence that Count Bongo’s Big Band Orchestra is real music and that 63 doodads make a pound.

Now this is no doubt an odd way to begin an article subtitled “when we google-d old players names” and yes you would be right. But given that it was a slow day at work and I had free access to Google and Wikipedia the thought of what exactly is Eddie Hutchinson doing now, turned into how many players have moved on in Kevin O’Connor’s years at the club to what exactly is the prospect of player’s future careers, what can the current crop look forward to? These questions may be answered at a later date but for now lets pick an abitrary team at random (sort of) and lets hope none of them have been involved in low level Criminality and all are in the Premiership.

Or at least have done something funny.

Setting the scene the first season Beesy came into existence (2003-4) saw the early coverage of a Brighton visit to Griffin Park. Brentford went on to secure a thumping 4-0 win over the recently relegated Seagulls with then Beesy Custodian C missing two early goal thanks to Transport for London. The match itself represented something of the high water mark for then manager Wally Downes and by the time of the return leg Wally’s grasp on the position was to prove untenable and a new era under Martin Allen was due to begin.

So, the players…

Paul Smith – Smith has always baffled Beesy by how damn popular he is. Apparently we are wrong and the terms strange and baffling should not be used to describe his career. Currently bench warming at Nottingham Forest he first left the club to act as Anti Niemi’s understudy at Southampton. Left for Nottingham Forest Smith has faced Brentford several times in his career, often conceding goals.

Joel Kitimarike – Journeyman Right Back or drug related criminal?? The British Criminal Justice system decided in Nov. 2008 when it convicted the former Chelsea, Brentford, Dundee, Colombus Crew (in the MLS), Fisher Athletic and Weymouth “player” to 20 months in the jail for possession of Class A drugs. Presumably now turning out for HMP Slade.

Michael Dobson – Ever dreamed of a former professional footballer getting you into shape… well here’s your chance. Dobbo was exiled North after leaving Brentford joining Walsall, presumably because he enjoyed playing underneath a Motorway. After a reasonably successful time in which he helped them secure promotion back to League One he through a curveball, jacked it all in and started his own business.

Now I like Dobbo so here’s a plug… www.flexercise.com he also offers Premier Massage at competitive rates.

Ibu Sonko – Reading then Stoke. Possibly the only ex Bee in the Premier League if Stephen Hunt doesn’t move to Hull (which lets face it probably isn’t the best career move).

Matt Somner – Astonishingly still a footballer carving out a niche for himself in the midlands with Mansfield. I think watched him on Setanta last year. He wasn’t very good.

Stephen Hunt – Presuming he doesn’t join Hull Stephen Hunt’s star is still in the ascendancy. But then you know that already. The first thing Hunt did upon finding himself surplus to requirements in Allen-era Brentford was grow a frankly ridiculous mane of hair. Rumoured to be the source of his new found footballing talent he is guaranteed to be the most successful former Bee of his era until he succumbs to scissors (or joins Hull).

Jay Tabb – Oh, you know he’s at Reading.

Eddie Hutchinson – Now at Crawley Town, Eddie took his multi-faceted head and joined Oxford in 2006. Staying there long after manager Darren Pattinson got fed up of him, his “sticktoitness” (it’s a word) earn’t him a recall when John Smith took over. I saw him on Setanta, he was alright. In hindsight maybe he should have gone to Barnsley when they came in for him in his final year at Brentford. But still who can forget his elaborate cross pitch run against Colchester the year of the Great Escape or his shinning it in past Paul Smith in the Southampton Cup Replay

Ben May – Hang on… What? Ben May was fined for stealing bathroom fittings from B & Q with Glenn Johnson?

I know that sounds unlikely, what with Glenn Johnson being a millionaire and all but its on the BBC website so it must be true.

Anyway still goal shy but now at Scunthorpe. Hopefully has enough taps now.

Kevin O’Connor – The Grey Goose himself. The only one still at Brentford; which says a lot. I will of course let you decide exactly what it says. Interesting to note looking at the players in the team I’m guessing this was The Grey Goose playing up front.

Tony Rougier – Still Plays!! Astonishingly enough. Bristol City took on Rougier after Martin Allens arrival before my personal favourite USA team the Rochester Rhinos signed him up. But the A-League proved unappreciative of Rougier and his madcap wingplay and he moved back to Trinidad laterly with FC South End.

The Rochester Rhinos mascot is a man dressed up as a big old Rhino. It looks superb.

Subs

Josh Lennie – What do you do after you play for AFC Harrow? Why you become a Sales and Marketing Executive. Lets face it our club is shocking for bringing on young keepers. Josh joined AFC Wimbledon after his spell at Brentford before a string of local clubs.

Stephen Evans – Suffering from a heart condition while at Brentford former Beesy favourite Evans dropped down to the conference with Woking and later Crawley Town.

More surprising he then joing the Premier League… the League of Wales Premier League. Still its nice to know he’s still playing/ living.

Jay Smith – Was/ maybe even is at Havent and Waterlooville. I kind of vaguely remember him starting a fitness company with Lloyd Blackman (remember him?) but I may be getting mixed up with another shambolic player from the early Beesy days, maybe Dean Wells.

Andy Frampton – Fampton came alive after leaving Brentford cementing a place in the Millwall first team.

Competent rather than inspiring Frampton best game was the frankly bizarre match at Rotherham where literally everything went through him. Which may explain why/ how we bottled promotion during Allen’s final season.

Mark Peters – QPR leveller aside Peters proved to be an enigma at Griffin Park. Having completely gone off the radar since turning out for Gosport Town it appears he may have fallen into the abyss never to be seen again.

So what have we learnt? Well frankly not too much. That the conversion to young player to seasoned professional player isn’t high? Maybe. That the third division is no place to learn your trade as a young footballer? Probably. Or that maybe playing for Brentford is a tortuous way to further your career? Undoubtedly.

Glossary

In order to assist our readers, please make a note for your records of Beesy’s official terms of reference for tournaments and competitions:

FIFA Soccer Jam
Michel Platini’s Anyone But England Symposium
My goodness how awfully clever of them cup of nations

Amstel Cup
European Vans Trophy

Mr Big’s Big League of Unimaginable Bigness
Coca-Cola Purgatory
The Coca-Cola League of the Damned
The Coca-Cola Abyss

The Bert Millichip Memorial Pendant
Milk Cup
Europe’s Premier Club Competition Named After An Obscure Paint Brand

The unnecessary return of Beesy

This is back for a short trial period under yet another spell of new management. Let’s see how it goes this time, eh?

Odds on we get bored and give up by September.